About

Malihini is Hawaiian for newcomer. Someone freshly off the plane, still blinking at the light, still calling the state “Huh-WAH-yuh.” We were all one once. Some of us still are.

Malihini Monthly is a sarcastic, affectionate, occasionally useful guide for people who have recently arrived in Hawai‘i and would very much like to stop embarrassing themselves. One tip lands every day. Every month, a longer essay goes deeper on a single theme.

Rules of engagement

The tips are written to be funny. They are not written to be cruel. If something here reads as mean-spirited rather than mocking, that’s a bug — write in, and it gets fixed.

The cultural stuff is serious. The rest is mostly about your parking, your pronunciation, and your attachment to the idea that you are “basically a local now.”

Who writes this

A malihini, technically. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Legal-adjacent matter

Nothing in this publication constitutes legal, medical, financial, nautical, or spiritual advice. If you eat a reef fish and it fights back, that is between you and the fish.